Too Late?

What. The. Fuck.

It's like, when I give in, the offer's closed; and when I pull back, the offer's good.

I admit going after a guy who just wants some is a stupid idea, but I'm lonely. I just want someone to cuddle with but not have to stay committed to. I just want him without the him.

D:

I'm having a mini The Office marathon, and I'm currently on season 4. Woot! It's such an amazing television series. It's kinda sad because I already know how they all end up...but it's exciting to see how they all got there.

On another note, I've painted my fingernails black.

I haven't painted my nails black in a while because so many people were doing it, but I finally gave in. I love my black nails. I already feel less depressed haha.

Now, back to The Office...

Why I Heart You

"In the twilight it's so hard to see what's wrong for me."

-"Solo" by Demi Lovato

I have to admit, I've been blogging about Boy's many bad choices and such. It doesn't seem really fair to me, so I want to explain to you what keeps me going back to him.

1. He tries to see&talk to me. He texts me everyday, times it to where he and I leave the classroom at the same time, tries to make plans to hang out, and goes to the side of the building where I'm at after school everyday to talk to me.

2. He gave me a nickname. Mina is the only nickname that I have. Never has anyone really given me a nickname (not one that stuck, anyway).

3. He compliments me. Haha okay so this sounds a little shallow in my head. Basically, he tells me how cute/sexy/smart/funny/awesome/wonderful I am a lot. He likes me, and I don't know about you guys, but I like when a guy really likes me.

4. He has a nice body. He works out a lot and keeps in shape. I kinda have a thing for arms, and his are so delicious.

5. He's warm. I enjoy cuddling up against him--just being in his arms. I feel comfortable and not alone.

It's so easy to be with him, but it's so wrong. He's so sweet most of the time, but that pressure that I know he'll put me through...I can't handle that.

I can't handle being a sex object either. I need some substance to it. I'm not a doll you can play with, toss to the side, and drag back out whenever you want.

Fake Boyfriend

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I am ashamed.

It had been 3 days and 10 hours since I was first celibate. It has been a little over 2 hours since I have not been celibate, and I am ashamed of myself.

In my defense, I said, "No," five million times before I gave in. I just felt so bad for him and could see his point. I gave in. It felt good while we were going at it, but afterwards, I felt so ashamed of myself.

Am I that easy to give in? Just make me pity you to get what you want?

I'm so weak.

And afterwards, I realized that he doesn't respect my boundaries. I don't think that I can comfortably date a guy who will pressure me into having sex. So I have a fake boyfriend.

Fake Boyfriend otherwise known as Facebook Boyfriend.

Realizing that Boy has no conscience, a sucky girlfriend history, and a negative approval from Poly, I knew I had to find a way to stop this thing with him. He won't take no for an answer. So I told one of my guy friends to find me a fake boyfriend. He volunteers himself with the claim that he'll enjoy the reactions of his friends.

Let's hope all goes as planned THIS time.

I'm seriously incredibly disappointed in myself, guys. I'm trying not to beat myself up, but it's really hard not to. Nothing that I planned even happened except getting cheesecake.

FML,

Mina<3

Celibacy Update

So I just wrote a blog...but while I'm waiting on Boy (from previous posts), I decided to update you guys.

It's been 3 days and 7 hours since The Bet. I get on and off horny flashes, but for the most part, I'm doing alright. This morning I almost broke with masturbation. (Masturbation counts as breaking&losing The Bet.) The sad thing is that I was just bored. Thankfully, I didn't give in!

Yesterday during AP Government & Politics, I couldn't stop fantasizing. It drove me crazy! I thought I was going to die. I didn't though. Tonight is going to be tough though...

Random Note: I feel like a bunch of my sentences are starting with either I or T. Yeah?

I'm hanging out with Boy tonight. We're going to The Cheesecake Factory to get some sinful cheesecake. My plan tonight is to call it all off with him.

Points to Cover:

• Choose The Ex
• Still be friends
• No friends with benefits
• Don't feel comfortable even flirting
• The Ex and Boy can live past this and make things work again

Let's hope all goes as poorly planned. D: Pray for me, guys.

We're also supposed to play Monopoly/Sorry/Some other board game in the back of his car...yeah. Let's hope I can control myself and ignore temptation. I can do this! Besides, it's not clear if Boy is or isn't in a relationship with The Ex again. We don't like to be home-wreckers, readers.

"We are what we repeatedly do." -Aristotle

I hope that I inspired you for at least 3 seconds,

Mina<3

Indirect Peer Pressure

How do you feel when all of your friends watch a specific television show and love it when you've never seen a single episode? For instance, The Office. Almost every single person I know watches The Office. At first, only a few people who I don't talk to very much watched the show. I figured it was any ol' television show and didn't think too much about it. Thursday night, as I'm doing my Anatomy homework while occasionally checking my Facebook out of boredom, I noticed that a BUNCH of people had The Office episode countdowns as their statuses. Like, really?

The boy mentioned in my previous posts had been texting me at that time to watch the show as well. Since I've never actually seen all of the episodes of the past seasons, I figured that I'd be completely clueless and not get like, half of the jokes. So I opted out.

Next day during art class, everyone around me is talking about The Office episode and how Pam and Jim are just SO cute. I was isolated/pushed to the side because I couldn't contribute.

How is it that a mere television show can control your social status?

What do you do when that happens to you? Do you go home and watch every single episode starting from the Pilot? Do you just watch the episode they were discussing? Or do you continue your life, not watching the show?

If you do give in and watch the show, is it because you want to feel included? One of the gals/guys? Or do you watch it because everyone loves it? What motivates you?

Is this indirect peer pressure?

Thoughts, opinions, comments? Leave a comment.

Mina<3

Personalizing Your Room

My room is me.

Throughout my years in art class, I've done a good bit of projects that I really like. I have them hanging on one of my room walls. One summer morning, I had the urge to cover the small area of a wall next to my door with construction paper. I've now got movie stubs, quotes from movies, music, and people, dove chocolate wrapper quotes, pictures, and plane tickets. It's a journey that I've recorded. My small drawer set (2x3) houses all of my accessories, makeup, hair products, and pictures.

In some people's rooms, it isn't too personalized. A computer, clothes everywhere, and a bed. in other people's rooms, you get a still life of the person.

Today I'm redecorating my door (the side facing the hall), and I wanted to give you guys some tips on personalizing every bit of your room.

Tip #1: Go for something totally you. My BFF Theresa covers her door with magazine pages of her favorite celebs. I, not into the whole celeb life, am going to cover my door with inspirational and favorite quotes, Dove chocolate wrappers, and other things that I love.

Tip #2: Do NOT use super glue or any sticky substances that will be incredibly hard to peel off when you're ready to redecorate.

Tip #3: If you live at home with your parents, don't put anything extra vulgar or scandalous...unless you want a lecture.

Tip #4: Have fun while you do it. If it's a pain in the ass, it'll look like a pain in the ass. Wait for motivation.

Being The Other Woman & Celibacy

We've established that going after a guy who's only been single for a week is a bad idea. Don't do it.

If you do make the mistake of doing it (like me), be cautious. It's like baking a cake. The mix/batter just finishes cooking. You don't try to eat it after it's only been out of the oven for a minute. You have to wait until it cools down completely or else get burned. If you attempt to eat a cake that's been in the oven, oh say, eight months?, then realize that it's going to be really hot. You've got to ask yourself: Am I ready to get hurt? Now, knowing that you'll injure your mouth if you decide to consume some cake after only a minute, why on earth would you still go through with it? Just leave the cake and let it be until it's completely cooled down.

Still not taking my advice? Still trying to take a bite out of that cake? Yeah, me too. It's always horrible when you never take your own advice, but at least I know what's stopping you.

This guy is amazing. He gives you attention, always tells you how much he likes you, how pretty/cute/wonderful you are. But wait, now his ex is begging him back? He's confused between you and the ex because he likes you both?

What the frick are you going to do now?

Drop him. Move on. Find a guy that will like you and only you. Unless you love being the other woman/home-wrecking ho/boyfriend stealer. For those of you who don't like being something along the lines of a home-wrecking ho, please, please, PLEASE stop! Tell him that he should go back to his ex. Tell him you don't want him if he's got feelings for someone else too.

This is the end. This needs to be the end.

I'll keep you guys updated on what happens next.

===============

On another note, I have been celibate for 31 hours now. Yesterday one of my guy friends and I decided to make up for our past celibate failures. We are currently both celibate, and whoever breaks first has to do something incredibly shitty that the other chooses. For the first 24 hours, I was doing pretty good, but I think I'm going to go crazy! Hopefully this passes. I'll keep you guys posted on my sanity.

You're newly celibate blogger,

Mina<3

Pilot

Reading blogs, having a lot to say and nowhere to say it have inspired me to create my own blog. This blog is to say whatever I want however I want. Hopefully I'll inspire you, entertain you, connect with you, or make you think. So stick around, and I hope you like what I have to say.

"Then you're no good for me, so glad I kept my receipt."

- Dollhouse by Priscilla Renea

Girls make mistakes in the relationship/sex/romance department. I hope by sharing my mistakes, you'll avoid them and the horrible emotions that come with mistakes.

Mistake #1: Don't start flirting with a guy who just got out of a relationship. Yes, it does count if it's been a week. Yes, it does count even if he's shared with the world how much happier he is without his ex.

Mistake #2: If you guys are hanging out by yourselves and he goes on and on about the good and way more horrible times he's had with his ex, stop flirting with him. Think about it: If a guy is interested in you, why would he talk about his ex? He either has horrible game or still loves his ex.

Mistake #3: If he tells you a story about how he started talking to his ex while he was dating someone else, warning bells should go off in your head. Don't ignore them. The way you act in a relationship generally doesn't change with significant others. If he's talking to a girl while dating another, what's to stop him from doing it again? (Especially if he starts dating her again and continues to try to get with you.)

Mistake #4: Do not, I repeat, do NOT hook up with him. You two are hanging out. Don't bring up your slutty summer adventures. Don't bring up the locations of your slutty adventures. This will get him hard. Then, don't let him read seductively to you. He will start whispering in your ear and possibly even start licking it. If you choose to keep the game going, make sure that he is NOT in a relationship with anyone (especially the ex). If he doesn't give you a direct answer that you decide to take as a "No, I'm not in a relationship with anyone," don't feel uber guilty when you find out afterwards that he IS in fact in a relationship.

Mistake #5: Don't keep supporting this bad relationship. He is a bad guy. He's the kind of guy you hear about in those hate lists girls write. He is the reason why girls say, "Boys suck!" He is the reason for all of this anger. He is the cheating asshole that you need to stop seeing. Find yourself a good guy that respects you. You deserve it. (Unless you're a cheating bitch without a reasonable excuse.)

Thanks for checking out my blog!

Mina<3